


Bound

by robert_downey_jr



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance, Smut, multi-fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-04-30 19:06:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5176268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robert_downey_jr/pseuds/robert_downey_jr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hawke tells Varric everything she's felt for him after all these years and he's left to make a decision that not only influences his present but also his future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bound

**Author's Note:**

> It's totally in beta, forgive me.   
> It's still in the works and I will edit it heavily but please enjoy!   
> All feedback is welcomed

Varric Tethras was damn good at talking himself out of shitty situations that he’d managed to get himself into. He excelled at avoiding things until they decided to catch up with him and one of the things that he’d been running from had finally caught him. 

Life was almost going seemingly well since he’d been crowned Viscount. Order within Kirkwall had been more successful and there was less crime on the streets since he started to reign. The Merchants Guild couldn’t get off his back but he took in the small achievements where he got them. 

Hawke had been back for a month, already settling in back in Kirkwall (per his request) and in a new place that he had made sure it would suit her perfectly. However, she’d been successful to evade him since her return. It puzzled him that his own best-friend was avoiding him. 

Also, avoiding him was the woman who he was sure would surface sometime another. Bianca. She was bound to find him, giving him snarky remarks for the new life he had rightfully earned. He half-expected for her to show up and wreak some mayhem before disappearing once again but that was all in due time.   
He’d sent word for the Champion but kept getting letters back from Bodahn that Hawke wasn’t going to show up. It’d been like this for a full month and finally he had enough of Hawke’s absence. If he had to drag the insufferable woman out of her house then so be it. 

~

It had been sunset and he managed to slip out before Seneschal Bran had popped up giving him more things to do. He wandered down a few steps, keeping to the shadows and in case anyone decided to pick a fight he had Bianca strapped to him. His finger was especially itchy this cold night. Winter had rolled into Kirkwall and he wasn’t fond of going out in the rain but he didn’t have any more options. 

He made it to Hawke’s mansion, throwing open the door, the smell of her hung heavily into the air. Daisies and lilac, things that she kept nearby because it reminded her of another life before the Blight. He shrugged the feeling of nostalgia before he saw Bodahn poke his head around, his eyes shot open in surprise seeing him. 

“A good evening to you, messere Tethras! Is there something I can help you with?” 

Varric wiped off the excess water that clung to his favorite duster, sliding off Bianca he gently laid her on the seat by the door. He turned his attention back to Bodahn, he felt like a stranger being inside Hawke’s place. It was almost assuring to see that she still clung to some things. 

“Good to see you, Bodahn, is Hawke around?” 

“Messere Hawke is in the study, shall I call her for you?” 

He half-heartedly expected Hawke to be down at the Hanged Man or just anywhere where he couldn’t find her. She was good at disappearing into thin air but she knew that he’d eventually find her. 

“No need, I’ll just go in there, the worst that could happen is that she’ll throw a dagger at me, which she’s done before.” 

He passed Bodahn and walked across the foyer, he gave a slid nod toward Sandal who waved while giving him a passive look. Hawke had managed to keep the place nearly identical as her old family estate but there was still the emptiness that hung in the air without Leandra and Bethany around. 

He took a breath before placing his hand on the door, bracing himself he twisted the nob.  
She stood at the fire place, she wore a dark green tunic, her usual black leathers and a pair of worn boots. Like usual, her hair clung to her face while her green eyes stared into the fire. He gulped seeing that she didn’t make any movements to him. 

“It took you long enough,” she said giving him that half-smile that he loved. But she was guarded, it would have nearly slipped right over his head but he knew better. Her eyes weren’t as warm and welcoming as they should have been. 

“You know, my life does exist outside of the Keep. I’m always available for some Wicked Grace.” He watched as she chewed on the inside of her lip, eyes full of thought.   
Yes, she was definitely hiding something, he thought. 

“I’m sure we’ll have a game, soon.” She promised, Varric could feel the awkwardness between them. The divide between them had gotten bigger and further apart. He felt as if a sea was between them, and unfortunately for him, he couldn’t swim. 

“What’s going on, Chuckles?” 

He asked, it was an honest question that had more than one meaning. She wouldn’t lie directly to him, it wasn’t like her to lie and she despised not being able to be brutally honest. She’d either tell him what war she was fighting internally or just shoo him away until she’d won it. Her lips turned up at his nickname for her.   
She turned her body towards him, dipping her head to the empty seat across from hers. He walked cautiously before taking his seat while Hawke sat in hers, she braced her arms on her knees and played with her hands. She’d had the habit forever, she liked counting each individual finger making sure that she did, in fact, have all of them. 

“I’ve been thinking a lot, more than I should be because I despise making rational decisions. It's also why I haven't been able to see you for the past month." 

“You’ve never been a rational thinker, that’s why you have daggers.” 

"I need you to focus on the next words that will come out of my mouth.” 

He stopped, the look in her eyes wasn’t warming or welcoming. His blood began to run cold seeing how quickly she’d turned serious. This part of her, the one that could make a grown man piss himself, terrified him. She was nearly giving him the same look she’d give people she was interrogating. 

“Varric, we’ve been attached at the hip since you found me. You’ve never faltered or left me where everyone else has. I’m grateful to have you in my life and…this sounded a lot less clichéd in my head.” She grumbled while she played with even more with her hands. 

He gave her a smile before placing his hand on top of hers. “You know I hate it to see a beautiful woman like you beating herself up over a couple of sentences.”   
Hawke gave a nervous laugh, she rubbed her neck with her free hand, clearing her throat she looked up at him. Determination in her eyes as she opened her mouth. 

“We’ve had this line between us--a line that we never dared to breach. Everyone knew that you and I had these—feelings for each other and we’ve never acted on them since danger liked to present itself at every corner, literally. I’ve been too afraid to do anything about it because I’m afraid of you leaving or just us separating entirely.  
If there had ever been a moment where Hawke had managed to paralyze him, it would be this moment. He wasn’t going to deny the fact that there was a line, a line that they somehow both subconsciously drew years ago between them. A line that he’d know he’d never breach, it was the very thing he’d been running for all this time. 

The attraction was always there, even from the moment she had come into his life. When he’d seen her with her sister, he knew that she was different. That if he’d pick a human, it would be her. He was right, of course, but time and friendships had made them use the divide. It was a way that both of them wouldn’t make a complete mess of things while they both relied on each other. 

The feelings that he had shoved so far down after all these years, the ones that told him that she wouldn’t be just a woman he’d tumble around in the sheets with came flooding back up. He had kept them locked away for so long, keeping the part of him that he was afraid to show away from Hawke. 

“I know things haven’t been the easiest for us with Thedas continually trying to kill itself and all but the feelings I have for you aren’t going away as much I wished they would and I know things aren’t probably the easiest for you right now and I’ve just completely fucked everything up by this stupid speech.”

He’d assumed that she’d never act on her feelings, like he never did. He knew she still harbored feelings for him but he didn’t expect her to completely move on from him. He’d assumed that Hawke would settle down with Anders, considering the relationship that had been short lived years ago. That some part of her would try and find the man that she cared for.

Varric hadn’t given this any thought, he hadn’t given a life with Hawke that wasn’t just platonic and sort of consideration. He never actually believed that she would turn herself to him. He wasn’t prepared to have her spill all her feelings out for him right this second.   
The time wasn’t right, things weren’t right. He cared for her more than anything and it was time he stopped running but he still had things unsettled with-

“Bianca.” 

Her name tumbled out of his mouth before he had the chance to actually stop it. Hawke’s eyes lowered, he could see she was containing her anger. Definitely not the answer either one of them was expecting. Hawke opened her mouth but Varric held up his hands. 

“Hawke, what she and I have—it’s different and it’s something that you won’t be able to understand-“  
He watched as shock and surprise was written on her face and then watched as it twisted into anger and confusion. She stood and walked around the chair, he could see she was sliding herself back into her icy shell. 

“You’re saying that a woman, that’s married is capable of loving you more than I would? You’re choosing a woman who is already shares her bed with another man over me? How many years have you and I been fighting at each other’s sides? How much fucking years have we cleaned each other up battle after battle? Where was she after Bartrand’s death? When the world was falling apart? Oh right, she was helping Corypheus’s men smuggle the very thing that drove Bartrand mad.” Hawke hissed, gripping the top of her seat so hard that her nails had begun to tear at the fabric. 

“Leave her out of this.” He warned, Hawke gave a short sarcastic laugh before her ice-cold eyes shot at him. 

“Leave her out of this? SHE’S BECOME PART OF THIS. You are so oblivious to the fact that she’s picked someone over you, how long do you think you two will keep this up? Do you expect to have a life with her? I’m sure her husband wants to have a family-“

“I SAID LEAVE HER OUT OF THIS!” Varric had gotten off his chair, anger rolled into him in waves. 

“AND I’M NOT GOING TO LISTEN. Damn it, Varric! STOP DODGING THE QUESTION.” 

“I GAVE YOU AN ANSWER-“

“NO, THAT WAS AN EXCUSE.” 

“What do you know about love anyway, Hawke? You’ve spent most of your life running just as I have. You’d rather throw yourself into the line of fire rather than settle down. You could have had Anders-“

“I DIDN’T WANT ANDERS, VARRIC, I WANTED YOU. AND APPARENTLY I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU. WOULD YOU RATHER I’D BE AN UNOBTAINABLE, MARRIED DWARF?” 

“YOU AREN’T HER, DAMN IT, HAWKE.” Varric roared throwing his chair to the floor, on instinct both of them lunged at each other before stopping right in their tracks. They were both red in the face, both huffing with anger.

Hawke’s shoulders relaxed and he could see how far he’d actually hurt her. He could see that she was hurting from the inside. She straightened herself up, shaking her head she turned her back to him. 

“I want--wanted a life with you, Varric. I want to stop running and when I imagine going home, you’re in that vision. I want to come home to you every night and I wanted to settle down with you. You’ve always been the one I wanted--but it looks like I’ve been out-matched.”   
Varric could feel his heart hit the floor, he’d never thought that he would be the person to break Hawke’s heart. He never expected that the pain he’d feel would run this deep. Out of habit, he reached for her hand but she flinched away from his touch. 

“Hawke-“

“It’s in the past.” 

He stopped trying, letting his hand fall to his side. Her voice was cold and he knew that whatever they had left of their friendship (or anything more) was gone. He sighed and walked out of the study where he was to reflect on his own idiocy.


End file.
